“No, try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – Master Yoda, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Thank you to Yoda for these words of wisdom. While most of us have heard this time and again, did we fully grasp what Yoda told Luke in the swamp? Recently, I see the power these words have in our day-to-day life and just how much wisdom Yoda imparted on Luke with that simple statement. This is not an essay on the philosophy of Star Wars, sadly, the Yoda quotes end here.

One of the books I committed to reading in 2019, Make It Happen: Motivation. Meditation. Manifestation, by local hypnotherapist Rev. Janice Chrysler. I’m thrilled I included this book, it’s small but mighty. In one chapter Chrysler recommends completely removing the use of the word “try” from our vocabulary. The word implies that on some level we know we will fail. Well… I can tell you since reading that and making a life without “try” a priority it has been quite a thing to watch unfold.

As I adjust my vocabulary I’m finding an empowerment that wasn’t there before. A level of doubt and uncertainty within me loosened its grip. I am truly releasing something that is no longer serving me.

The biggest thing that stood out to me is that I would say, “I’ve been trying to say…” at the beginning of sentences. A lot. Do you know anyone who does this? Do you do this?

Was I actually trying to say anything? Did words or sounds come out of my mouth prior to saying “I’ve been trying to say…?” No. Inspecting my own thinking process I wasn’t trying to say anything at all. In some cases I was only waiting for my turn to speak, waiting for an opportunity to bring up what was on my mind, other cases I had been thinking about something I didn’t have words for yet. However, none of that was me actually trying to say anything at all.

Truly reflecting on beginning a sentence with “I’ve been trying to say” I realize is passive-aggressive. Flat out passive-aggression. It is implying, even if unintentional, that the other person has somehow not let words be spoken, has interrupted, is somehow stifling or upstaging the conversation. There is no real need to announce that you’ve been trying to say something. Just say it.

There are exceptions of course. In the example that you’ve been teaching someone 2 + 2 = 4 and you explain why 2 + 2 = 4, but they aren’t getting it. You’ve explained it three different ways, and then suddenly your student gets it! She explains it to you in her own words, and boy does she finally understand. You respond with, “that’s what I was trying to say!” In this case something was trying to be said. It is not the opening of a sentence, but rather the ending (however, there are reasons not to use “try” in this scenario either).

Making an announcement before saying what needs to be said comes from an unhealed part of one’s self. It is an attempt to remove ownership of the belief of feeling unheard. Read that again. It is an attempt to remove ownership of the belief of feeling unheard. Furthermore, it’s not that we *are* unheard, it’s that we *feel* unheard.

Making passive-aggressive statements such as “I’ve been trying to say…” (when in fact you haven’t) is an attempt to put the onus on the other person. In these terms it is disconnecting behaviour that gets us further from what we want: to be heard, or more correctly stated, to feel heard. Once we’ve shifted the responsibility if we don’t feel heard then it’s okay because we have preemptively told ourselves that we were only trying to say something. Since trying is tantamount to failing we remain right and true in our own sub- and unconscious minds – that we are unheard – and we do not have to face the negative feedback loop we created for ourselves.

As I noticed and altered this about myself I would cringe at anyone else using this language. This is the thing about learning and growing. There is that moment after we kick a bad habit that we reject the exact thing we were just doing. 

There is a valid reason for this necessary, albeit hypocritical process. As we accept our flaws and negative behaviors that deep seated self-hatred has to surface so that we can finally deal with it. If we face our thoughts of self-disgust head on this journey to self-acceptance becomes easier. Disgust is a natural part of self-discovery. My cringing at others using “try” is only a reflection of the disgust I had for myself in using self-defeating language.

Now when I catch myself using the word “try” I analyze and rephrase. I feel as though I am rewiring my brain with this simple act. Do I feel eliminating “try” has removed blocks or opened doors for me? I absolutely do believe that it has evolved my perception!

The journey of self-discovery requires a level of awareness that can put some people off. This is understandable. You have to face and take ownership of the toxic behaviours that you perpetuate. It’s scary, it’s shitty, but it’s liberating when you can finally step into your power. We can never shine light into shadows if we refuse to accept those shadows exist.

Brightest blessings,
Phoenix Rose

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Learn more about Rev Janice Chrysler at http://mindfuljourney.ca/